Mother's Day. A day set aside to honor the women in our lives who have birthed us, raised us, cared for, and given so much to us. It's a lovely idea. Well-deserved by so many.
But what about the people out there who didn't have an ideal upbringing? The adult children with a marginal relationship with their mothers who struggle at the store looking for a card that doesn't say 'To a Wonderful Mom' etc. Those who can't bring themselves to buy and sign a card that's gushing about how loved Mother is. Those whose childhood was so horrid, they have no reason to celebrate that woman. For anyone who can relate - this post is for you.
From April until Mother's Day, we are bombarded with reminders of the different ways to celebrate Mother. The stores are filled with cringe-worthy amounts of pink cards, balloons, flowers, and other gifts and trinkets Mother would love. Some people live everyday with conflicting emotions regarding their parents, their mother in particular, and these displays are painful reminders that they're 'bad people' for not caring or loving enough, or at all. If you've made the mistake of sharing that information, you may have been admonished with, "But, it's your Mother!"
Others, who have not lived through neglect, indifference, abuse, etc., are unlikely to understand. It's too painful to explain the very valid reasons one may have. And honestly, it's no one else's business.
This Mother's Day, I propose "My Day", an alternate day of Self-Care. We have (at the very least) half raised ourselves, so we deserve to celebrate and honor ourselves on this day. Now, there are a lot of negative beliefs around being 'allowed' to do something for yourself. Or maybe you've been taught you're 'not supposed to' do things for yourself. I urge you to let those beliefs go because if you don't honor and show appreciation for yourself, you'll never be able to truly accept that from someone else. If you find it difficult, consider a healing session to help release those contrary beliefs and do your best to release them for this day.
Some special ways to celebrate are:
Spend a little time connecting with your inner child. Tell him/her you love them and care for them. If you want, hold a doll or Teddy Bear to represent your inner child. Hug it and give it the love you needed and deserved.
Treat yourself. Take yourself out for a meal at your favorite restaurant. Get some ice cream. Buy a new book or something else that makes you happy.
Take a walk in nature. Not a brisk, got to get my steps in, walk. A stroll, at the park, the beach, wherever you are happiest. Breathe the fresh air, soak in the beauty in the flowers, the water, the sky, everything around you. Allow it to lift and brighten you.
Spend time with a love one. This is anyone you love for any reason, friend, relative or even a pet! Someone who makes you happy, helps you feel loved. Someone you can share a laugh with
Adopt a mom (or a dad). There are many older folks with no family who would be delighted to spend a little time chatting and connecting with another. Many people have found a substitute parent by just reaching out and making a new friend.
Make an appointment for yourself to begin your healing journey and release yourself from distress you are experiencing.
If you have children of your own, wonderful! (That doesn't mean you can't participate in celebrating My Day!). There is still power and meaning in celebrating yourself.
Of course, these are just a few suggestions. I encourage you to get creative and come up with alternatives that are special to you.
This May 9th, be kind to yourself and share with me how you're celebrating "My Day".